If dinner’s scheduled for 7 pm on a Friday, dinner conversation starts promptly at 4 pm the previous Monday.
You’re not allowed to order what somebody else orders, so you better have multiple “safety schools” in mind in case somebody beats you to the punch on your first choice.
Sharing of dishes is only allowed if the dishes are equally delicious. If you ordered poorly, that’s on you. Deal with it.
All dinner-related decisions will be judged by all parties present at the dinner as well as by other interested parties who will hear about the dinner after the fact. The choice of restaurant, the service, the food ordered, the number and type of drinks consumed, the menu prices, and the speed with which food is consumed are all fair game.
Recommendations from waiters will be analyzed not only for their suggestions, but for the tone of their voice and delivery of said suggestions. If they recommend the veal, there will be discussion about their credibility as a veal recommender based on an imagined backstory that will be created based on assumptions of your fellow diners.
There are appetizer people, entree people, and dessert people. Stay in your lane and play to your strengths.
How much you eat will be monitored and if you don’t eat enough, it will be held against you.
If you choose the restaurant, your reputation will be on the line. It’s like vouching for somebody in the mob. But no guts, no glory.
Each dish ordered by somebody at the dinner will be compared to previous incarnations of that dish that have been had at other restaurants over the past two decades and will be ranked accordingly. You’ll be expected to remember those dishes and weigh in on the comparison.
The above process will then be repeated with dishes nobody at the table has actually tasted, but has seen prepared on various Food Network shows. Bobby Flay’s version of the dish will be declared the winner.
Photos will be taken. They will be posted on social media. And they better be “Liked” by family members not in attendance.
One absentee family member will fail to Like the photos. They will be shunned.
The meal will be discussed and analyzed the following day. That conversation will last longer than Sportscenter’s recap of the Super Bowl.
A good time will be had by all.