in Nonsense

The 50 Most Loathsome Americans Of 2010

It’s a little late for year-end lists, but this list of The 50 Most Loathsome Americans of 2010 is entertaining enough to still warrant sharing. Here’s a few of their selections:

34) Stefani Germanotta (Lady Gaga)
Charges: A Madonna doppelganger with scoliosis and a knack for trite, overproduced and formulaic drivel. Not nearly as controversial as she imagines. She pissed off Jerry Seinfeld? Meh. My heart’s not really in this one. She makes shitty music. Who fucking cares. Probably you. You sicken me. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Aggravating factor: Excessive consonant repetition.
Sentence: Tracheotomy.

20) Mark Zuckerberg
Charges:
In the backhanded tradition of tech dickery, Zuckerburg brazenly pilfered the idea which allows you to neurotically tend that asshole from high school’s virtual farm while not getting any work done. The Facebook founder’s fortune comes in part from selling your information to third parties via default privacy settings. After vowing to donate half of his some $7 billion to charity, as transparent PR in the wake of The Social Network, he got into bed with the execrable Goldman Sachs and a Russian investment firm run by a convicted extortionist to recoup the loss. Invented “poking.” And he’s actually trying to trademark the word “face.”
Aggravating factor (from his business card): “i’m CEO … bitch.”
Sentence: Whatever Tom Anderson’s doing right now.

9) Tea Partiers
Charges:
Openly racist and lying about it, uber-religious, hyper-hypocritical, usually-tetched old codgers who wheel around in their Medicare-provided Hoverounds® and rage against fiscally irresponsible social programs, like Medicare, because they’re too dumb to realize that they’re co-opted, Machiavellian mouthpieces of greedy billionaires.
Aggravating factor: They elected some 40 candidates to Congress.
Sentence: The consequences of their actions.

via Kottke

Write a Comment

Comment

Spam Protection by WP-SpamFree